How To Talk To Kids So That They Listen To You | Getting Your Child To Listen When You Speak

Although all parents want to able to talk with their children, poor communication or no communication is the way of life for many families. Now yelling, nagging, criticizing, ordering, lecturing, etc. don't count. Those are ways you might talk at your children, not with your children. And it's the talking with that constitutes true communication.

Developing good communication with your children isn't difficult, but it does take some time, patience, understanding and practice. Depending on your child's age, they may be more willing to share details about their lives and friends. Preschoolers and early elementary students love to give parents a second by second report about what happened at school or with friends.

Try changing how you use your voice. When I really want children to listen I use in a very low, soft tone so that the child has to concentrate on what I am saying. If you try this make sure that you have your child's attention first!

Don't embarrass them: This can happen when parents discuss their own sexual experiences with their children. The teens I see will share more about sex with me than their parents, because they have felt embarrassed by their parents' behaviors. Your role is to be a facilitator of sexual discussion, not a reporter.

Giving your undivided attention is very important. Try to find a quiet place and time so that there are no distractions. Turn off the TV, stop washing the dishes and be sure not to answer the phone. Generally, privacy is in order, unless the conversation involves another family member. Giving your attention to your child shows that you really care about what he has to say.

This will assure the younger child that they are important to you so that rejection can be avoided. Their words at this stage in their lives mean so much, sometimes they don't even know what the words mean they are just repeating what someone else has said.

Use your child's suggestions when possible and finalize the expectations. The next night when your child forgets, ask a question about what his homework commitment. Then follow through with the rule-every time. Don't get discouraged by a rocky start; it takes about three weeks to form a habit.

Talk with them on their level. When talking with your children, it is important to use language that they understand, as well as the same respectful tone of voice you use with friends. Literally come down to their level if they are young or little and look directly at them while they talk. Be clear about what your child is communicating to you. Ask them to clarify or tell you more, if you're not clear. Don't fall for your normal reaction - assuming and filling in the blanks.

Your children have feelings, give them the space to express them. Learning how to talk to children about divorce is not all about you doing the talking with your mouth. By listening and being there and supportive you are talking a more silent language that many call love.